it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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