you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
