i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
