You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
