I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
