Can i not drive my cunt home
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
