The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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