I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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