please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
