On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
