i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
