I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
love makes seman taste better
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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