I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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