My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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