If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
