No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
