His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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