He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
