I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He has the fingertips of a God
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