Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
