I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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