best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
