Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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