Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
