Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think my mom watched the whole time
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want nice things and good sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
