God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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