I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
