I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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