Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
