What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
