shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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