there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
