chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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