My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
