ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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