i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
