I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
