My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
