Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
