Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
