Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
