this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
