I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
