why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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