we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
