Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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