I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
