Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
