i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
