First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
