Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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