I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
