my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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