Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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