I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
