Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
