so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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