it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
