I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
