well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
