I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
