I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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